Meta: Footnotes

[lapwing]

Bartimaeus has a particular ability to infuse any writing he's a part of with helpful footnotes explaining various things like world build, spirit's nature and particularly cutting remarks about the life and times of everyone around him.

This post is just for me to link to them.

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Comments

[lapwing]

There IS a reason most magicians are particularly specific about building requests. They only get a fancy new tower at the expense of their entire castle once.

Not that my gentle and generous stopping means anything. I was in a good mood.

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[lapwing]

Perhaps not exactly what was said, but a good writer embellishes here and there, for flavor you see.

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[lapwing]

Not that it's anything silly like bird instinct. Nothing like that comes across during transformation. The simple idea of squeezing the vast amounts of intellect into a fleshy pea sized brain is absurd and would likely end in a very messy explosion of feathers.

But keeping the little tics of a disguise up is just good practice. Nothing breaks a good under cover operation like being a dog and hopping around like a seal.

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[lapwing]

The only direct damage. Any damage caused by other parties attempting to freeze and burn me was clearly their decision, not mine.

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[lapwing]

Right now. Being the overflowing well of optimism I am, I know better than to assume that's going to continue.

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[lapwing]

Not that I've ever run into magicians with that level of unwise interests. Djinn of my stature and power are strictly working class. No easy meals here. On the whole, those get weeded out summoning succubus early on. It's one of those peculiar forms of suicide I've never quite understood- that, and holding political office.

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[lapwing]

This is not to say that I, Bartimaeus, didn't already engage in a bit of due diligence already. I would swear upsidedown and rightside up that I'd seen nothing resembling the aura of anything worth engaging in conversation.

If I DID find someone taking a bit of a piss in her form thinking themselves a bit clever, I was going to rip them apart. I'd say: Nothing personal. But it really was.


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[lapwing]

I was thinking "Circus" myself.

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[lapwing]

Which was weird, because I could have sworn I estimated short on purpose.

Sure, I could have just shrunk my head a bit further into my neck, but he'd have caught that one.

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[lapwing]

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

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[lapwing]

Not that this hasn't stopped the enterprising magician through time to keep throwing themselves at the ideas of immortality.

In lucky cases, it ended with a thoroughly tricked master committing suicide as a proof. Sadly, one's that dumb didn't come along that often, so usually it ended with a good laugh, a large set of dead commoners, Shriveling Fire and a small cadre of zombies.

Not usually in that order.


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[lapwing]

So. Yes. I admit, this wasn't a good idea. It wasn't even remotely near a good idea.

But when you're in a new world, new reputation to establish, a cheeky little half pint giving you lip... I'm just saying, there was some performance pressure in this decision.

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[lapwing]

Given the circumstances, I was doing an absolutely heroic job at it. I've had a couple of good bindings, and a few other nastier threats here and there. Most of which were foiled by a bit of carelessness or some exceedingly good luck on my part.

But I'd rather be bound in silver for a thousand years than spend a horrid hundred in some goopy, horrible human body.

Nothing personal, but LOOK at you. Take a good look. Would YOU want to be stuck in there? I didn't think so.

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[lapwing]

Oh. YOU try to do better.

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[lapwing]

I've found that oh, things like, "Bartimaeus of Uruk, I bind you to this task- blah blah blah" translates passably to "I'm tired of living and would like to be your High Tea snack" in almost all the languages I've cared to misinterpret.

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[lapwing]

Read as: practically hissing. Who does this git think he is?

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[lapwing]

There is, mind you, a certain artistry in the exact and perfect replication of a human form, rather than these indulgently trendy alterations. Typically I save that for people who actually deserves it. Take that how you will.

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[lapwing]

Not that the man was wrong about the inanity of imp commentary. Really, there's not much they ARE good for except a bit of sass and an afternoon snack.

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[lapwing]

Which no one does, but should.

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[lapwing]

Gutters, if you want to be technical. Which I assume you do. Nitpicker.

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[lapwing]

Moderately fair, at the least.

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[lapwing]

Admittedly, that was not the most witty rejoinder I've ever lobbed back across the battlefield, but I feel that the conversation had gotten down to that level anyway.

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[lapwing]

Unless you're me, of course, but that applies to a lot of life in general.

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[lapwing]

And now that I've been in one of these terrible things, let me tell you, it's absolutely amazing that you've developed things like tools and language. Shows what a well developed need to kill each other will do for the old motivation over handicaps.

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[lapwing]

As it deserved. That rain check will be cashed later.

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[lapwing]

Courtesy of a second set of vocal chords (I had no quarrel with the small park behind me. Rather lovely, actually.) A kraken's call specifically. Sometimes they liked to make sailors think their ship had collided and cracked, and picked off the lifeboats when they were feeling lazy.

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[lapwing]

It translates from ancient Greek into "I'm a stout cucumber." Roughly.

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[lapwing]

There's a pacing to these things, a particular tempo. In which I point out extremely valid reason why an entire situation is bollocks and then the magician makes some absolutely stunning observation like "You already have your orders" and then I keep going until forced to sidle on unhappily towards what would be certain doom for anyone less amazing than I am.

I was completely thrown off on this one. That's not how this is supposed to start off at all. For example, there should be a "No" here and a foreboding stare.

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[lapwing]

And here.

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[lapwing]

See what I mean?

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[lapwing]

Which is hogwash, to be perfectly honest. For one, anyone who was taking the time to chew was just being a showoff and a sadist. Second, you didn't really need a toothpick when you could just shapeshift out of having teeth. Handy.

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[lapwing]

I'd do that myself.

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